May always used to be my favorite month. The beginning of truly warm and sunny weather, everything that was once lifeless for the winter now lush and green, the end of the school year, and my birthday. Aside from the intense pollen we have here in North Georgia, there wasn’t much I didn’t like about the month of May.

Now it’s a strange month. I stray from saying “bad” because there’s always good to be found, so it’s just a strange month. As April nears its end and May approaches, I find myself becoming easily annoyed and impatient. I know I’m a sinner, it doesn’t take spending much time around me to find that out, but this specific time of year is different. All of my tasks seem overwhelming, and I can’t think clearly.

Then I realize it’s a larger, unanticipated wave of grief crashing on me with strength and persistence. The days surrounding painful anniversaries bring on a sometimes surprising level of grief.

I could say May is a bad month for me, but the truth is it’s a blessed month. The sweetness of salvation becomes greater juxtaposed with the bitterness of loss. And it’s strange, but it’s the good kind of strange.

When grief hits hard, whether expected or unexpected, I encourage you to lean into the One who is strong enough to carry all the pain of the world. We all need relationship with our Heavenly Father. A relationship where we know we are destitute of any hope, and the only hope we have rests in the Savior of the world, Jesus Christ.

I could tell you a million things to help you along your walk with grief, but there’s only one true way to healing and without that all the rest will only momentarily cover your pain. That one way is Jesus; fixing your eyes on Him, thinking on Him, dwelling and meditating on His word, talking to Him and listening to Him. When we want to scream at the ones we love because we feel strangled by grief, we can cry out to Jesus to not let our flesh be overtaken by the pain of this world. When we feel like we haven’t a bit of energy or mental clarity left to get us through the day (or even begin the day) we can call on our great God to hold us up throughout the day. There is victory in Jesus alone. May is my strange month, but it’s a month filled with the deep reminder that Jesus is the Victor of my life – not me.

Looking for ways to care for the widow in a practical and meaningful way this spring and summer? Through the years Perspective Ministries has found some amazing ways to bring light and love into these women and children’s lives. We would be honored for you to make a donation in one or more of these areas of need. Help us make this spring and summer one to remember!

Mother’s Day Appreciation

As Mother’s Day approaches, let’s remember the Widowed Mom as her job can often continue to be hard and heavy. Pray she meets God as her el Roi, the One who sees. “According to U.S. census bureau as of 2009, there are around 13.7 million single parents in the United States alone. These parents are managing to raise around 21.8 million children – which in case you are wondering is 1/4th of all the children in the United States. This means that 1 out of every 4 children is being raised in a single parent household. Of these households, around 87% of them are headed up by one of the most powerful, levelheaded and adept people on earth. A single mom.” (Professors House, A Tribute to Single Moms)

A great way to show a Widowed Mom you care is by giving her and her kids a fun night off! Consider donating to Perspective Ministries as we care for Widowed Moms on Mother’s Day:

$25-50: Bruster’s Ice Cream Gift Cards

$100: Restaurant Gift Cards

$150: Mother’s Day Pampering Basket

Usher in Spring!

Delivering flowers or planting them in her garden reminds her that when her focus is on God, she can bloom where she is planted! Will you make a donation to helping the widow feel seen by her community in this way?

$75: Sending Her Flowers

$300: Plant Her Garden

$500: Maintain Her Yard (this will allow Perspective Ministries to provide consistent lawn care, especially through the warmer months).

Summer fun for the Fatherless!

One of the biggest gifts you can give to a Widowed Mom is loving her fatherless children well! Please consider making a donation to Perspective Ministries as we provide a summer of love to both the Widow-Mom and her kids!

$25: Butterfly Gardens for the widow and her kids! (this is a great reminder that life can indeed come after death!)

$25-100: Gift Cards for summer activities and travel

$250: Send a Fatherless Child to Camp!

$50-500: Give them a day to relax (Day passes to White Water/Aquarium/Movies)

Thank you for caring for the widow and her children! We are excited that you have entrusted Perspective Ministries with your donation as together we care for the widows and children God has led to us.

Oh, what a joyous time it is to watch and experience the birth of Spring! The miracle of life after death is simply glorious. Although the widow may feel encouraged by the warmth and beauty of spring, frost may continue in her grieving heart. As society makes plans for getaways and summer fun with their loved ones, her monotonous routine remains the same–alone. Alone to figure out ways to dust off her home, make repairs, and manage her lawn. Perhaps God would use you to lighten her load by considering meeting one of these practical needs.

1.     Help her with spring cleaning:

• Service her air conditioner, change the filters, maybe even leave a few extra filters for the months ahead.
• Give your time to help her clean out a closet. She may be ready to tackle her husband’s possessions, but she may need someone to hold her hand and wipe her tears during the process.
• Offer to dust ceiling fans and window blinds.

2.     Help her usher in spring:

• Deliver a spring bouquet just to let her know you are thinking of her.
• Plant flowers in her yard as a reminder that when her focus is on God, she can bloom where she is planted.
• Trim her bushes or spread fresh pine straw.
• Provide consistent lawn care through the warmer months.

3.     Remember her on Mother’s Day!
The job of the widowed-mom is hard and heavy. One out of every four children in the United States is being raised by a single parent, most of which are single moms.

• Pampering baskets, including gift cards for a manicure, pedicure, or massage, will help her take care of herself.
• Ice cream and/or restaurant gift cards will provide her and her children with a fun outing.
• Send notes of appreciation, affirming a job well done!

4.     Include her in your summer outings and plans:

• Invite her to share a time of fellowship with you. Keep in mind that the widow often feels like the “3rd wheel” when couples gather together. Perhaps you could invite several widows to join you.
• Consider giving her the keys to your beach or mountain home, trips away can be very healing for the grieving heart.

5.     Provide for a day trip or weekend away
Gift cards for food and gas will help make a simple retreat possible.

6.     Offer transportation

• Drive her to medical appointments
• Help with running errands
• Pick her up for church or a community event

7.     Enlist a trusted handyman for home repairs
Make arrangements to come and conquer her “to-do” list—paint a room, re-arrange furniture, or fix that leaky faucet.

8.     Provide summer fun for her fatherless children.
Loving on her children is a gift to her.  One of the main concerns for the young widow is her children.

• Summer camps
• Butterfly gardens for kids, reminding them that life comes after death
• Day passes – White Water/Aquarium/Movies

9.     Call:
Out of all the widows we surveyed, their greatest ongoing struggle is loneliness. Take time to pick up the phone to let her know she isn’t forgotten.

10. Write:
Widows love a hand-written note just to let them know you care.

11.  Visit:
Give your time away. Be intentional about planning a time to listen to her, keeping in mind that adult conversation may be limited in her new season.

12.  Pray:
Dear God, thank you for showing us that life comes after death. We thank you for Jesus Christ and His resurrection from the grave, so we can experience new life in Christ.  Please remind the precious widow of this truth. May she experience life after her own season of walking through the valley of the shadow of death. Please let her feel your Presence as she waits on you in this season.

“They waited for me as for showers and drank in my words as the spring rain.” Job 29:23

1. Remember Her – the emphasis on couples, marriage and romantic “love” is a tender reminder of what is missing during this season in her life. Letting her know that you are thinking of her does not replace that old love but covers her with a new kind of love and support.
2. Invite Her – Cover her lonely moments through intentional opportunities to fill the void. An invitation to join you for lunch or coffee shows her she is truly not alone.
3. Pray for Her – Cover her in prayer and send her a Valentine card letting her know you have done so! Lifting her cares and needs before the One who can truly satisfy is the covering she really needs on this hard day!
4.  Serve with Her – Give her an opportunity to be covered with a new perspective by directing her focus to the needs of others.
5. Cover Her – Actually deliver a blanket to her house! The blanket is a symbol to her that God is her defender and her covering now that the covering of her husband is gone.

A new year. A fresh start. Some of us really need that right? For some of us reading this 2018 tested the very limits of what we thought we could handle. It took us right up to the edge of our worst fears and even had the gumption to drag us a step further. It. Was. Hard. For others 2018 was a year of restoration in ways you never thought were possible after the suffering you experienced in the past. In 2018 a lot of us lost “normal” or were somewhere out there trying to find a “new normal.” But here we all are, some more tattered than others, at the doorstep of a brand new year, a clean slate, whether we like it or not.

When I rang, well actually cried, in the New Year of 2016 I remember thinking, blah blah resolutions and fresh starts and everyone all amped to have the “best year yet!” All I wanted was the past. I wanted 2011, the year I met JM, I wanted 2014, the year we got married, I wanted everything back pre September 19, 2015. Could I make it my resolution to have my life back? But as the ball dropped, the clock stuck midnight, and people all over the world kissed their way into the new year, there I was on my couch, lips unkissed, and alone with nothing left to do but resolve that 2016 would be the year I kept going.

For those of you who have gone through suffering you know sometimes the resolutions you make are simply the only choice you actually have to make…so no, I was no stronger than you when I resolved to keep walking forward, I just knew it was simply the only real option. I could have mentally disallowed 2016 to come and lived in the shadow of September 19 forever, but I knew in my spirit that’s not at all what God called me to, as his child he wanted me to keep going, because even though I couldn’t see the future, he could, and he was prepared to resolve with me that we could keep going into the new year together.

And like most resolutions, we get 5 days in, 1 month if you are the most dedicated amongst us, and we are exhausted. We start looking for all the excuses to just stay where and how we were the year before. I felt this pull too, even though I hated where I was at after losing my husband, it was still comfortable and predictable…wake up, cry, sleep, try to get life back together, fail, sleep, cry, repeat.

This is why we have to resolve with Christ, when he resolves something he brings it to fruition, every. single. time. Don’t believe it, because you can’t see it or feel it? Look at Hebrews chapter 11. “By faith Abel…,” “By faith Enoch, and Noah, and Abraham, and Sarah, and Jacob, and Moses…” The list goes on to name every biblical figure that even non-Christians know about. “By faith” they did what God called them to do. “By faith” they offered themselves, obeyed in the hard stuff, built a stinking ship in the desert (like come on?!). “By faith” they left what was behind, their homes, THEIR NORMAL, and walked into foreign lands. Why? Because that is what God called of them. He even promised and resolved, if you trust me at this new juncture, even though it is hard, and you cannot see how you can possibly move forward or this could possibly work out, you will be blessed, you will know me more, and you will get what I promised you, life with me in abundance.

Of course there will be days when we look back and long to be in that old familiar world we used to call home, I am sure Abraham and Moses did too. I am sure at times it got really tiresome waiting for what was promised but had not yet come, especially since some didn’t even get to see the promised land with their earthly eyes. I like to think that on the days when Noah was tired of people thinking he was crazy and just wanted to be a regular guy again or when Sarah was celebrating yet another birthday without the present of a child, wishing she could be younger and maybe conceive a child, that they would take a minute to ponder on it all, life’s past pleasures and blessings, then wipe the tears from their faces and say like C.S. Lewis would later write,

“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind,”

and then get back to the work of placing their faith in God! Of resolving to move forward.

When we go with God into the new year, we go with the promise that nothing will happen to us that God has not planned and that he cannot handle. Fellow sufferers, we know all too well that even though we go with God, we are not promised an easy road, but we are promised God’s presence. Like the Israelites following the pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night as they escaped from Egypt, God’s presence will lead us in 2019. And although the path may not always be easy, we too will reach the true promised land, where suffering will be no more and each day will be more beautiful than the last. Here’s to seeing all that God will do in between, both in our lives and in others.

As we pack Christmas away, may the message and power of this true eternal story remain with us.  The end of the year lends itself to times of reflection.

Scripture records two occasions where Mary “treasured.” Both times came after experiencing something beyond her understanding and imagination.

Luke 2:19 records that “Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart.” This time of consideration came after Jesus was miraculously conceived, birthed and now she held the Lamb of God, who came to take away the sins of the world, in her arms. There are no words to express the joy and wonder felt as you finally look into the eyes of your newborn after months of anticipation, but to hold the Son of God, as Mary experienced, is more than we can begin to comprehend.  What a great gift!  She had so much to treasure and even more to ponder.

The next time Mary treasured was after her young son, Jesus, had been missing for three days.  When she found Him in the temple, Jesus’ response to Mary was, “Did you not know that I had to be about my Father’s house?”  Of course she didn’t know. The Bible goes on to share, “…they did not understand the statement He had made to them.”  How could she understand why her boy had left her side to teach men in the temple? She just couldn’t. Luke 2:51 states, “…and His mother treasured all these things in her heart.”

In his commentary, Matthew Henry discusses the act of treasuring:
“The truths of Christ are worth keeping; and the way to keep them safe is to ponder them. Meditation is the best help to memory. That which at first is dark, so that we know not what to make of it, may afterwards become plain and easy; we should therefore lay it up for hereafter.”

Mary set an example to all of us: When we are troubled, we must treasure. God is always at work beyond our limited understanding. Darkness is always light to God (Psalm 139:12), but honestly, always appears dark to us – in our experience, understanding and knowledge of the work God is doing on our behalf and for His glory.

When my children were in the home, we were intentional about one-on-one moments expressing different emotions we were feeling i.e. what made us sad, what made us happy, etc.  This helped me learn how to pray for them. Their responses were recorded in a journal that I updated each time we shared.  As we closed out the year, our family followed Mary’s example of reflection.  We each filled out our “Year-At-A-Glance” to share together on New Year’s Day. You may want to take time to think through these questions and plan a time of intentional sharing with your family. You may discover something you want to treasure or jot down an experience you will need to ponder before the Lord.

Treasuring At-A-Glance

What made you happy?

• What made you happy this year?
• Were there any special celebrations?
• What do you look forward to in 2019?

What made you sad?

• Did you experience something painful or difficult?
• What was your biggest lesson learned from this?

What did you treasure?

• What memories did you make?
• Did God answer a specific prayer need or teach you something?

What causes you to wonder?  What is your current prayer request or area you are surrendering to the Lord?

God’s Provision:

• How did God care or provide for you in practical, or in supernatural ways?
• How did God use you to bless someone?

Psalm 68:5, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.”

To the fatherless: How did God “Father” you?
To the widow:  How did God care for you as your Defender and covering now that your husband is gone?

May 2019 be a year of treasuring and trusting the truth that God hasn’t left your side. He loves you and He cares. God will provide, protect, and be near to you as you ponder.

Christmas is one week from today! Perspective Ministries has personally cared for over 55 widowed moms and 110 fatherless children during this giving season. While it is a blessing to light the world of the widow and her children at Christmas, it is equally important to carry her throughout the year helping to lighten her load. Please consider making a donation towards Perspective Ministries, as we meet the practical, emotional, and spiritual needs of widows and their children in 2019.

Our Giving Catalog is full of ways you can care for the widow and fatherless through Perspective Ministries.

The cold days and long, dark nights that are characteristic in the winter leave the widow feeling like the winter of her soul may never end.  We have all had seasons like this, when the biting cold outside matches the biting hurt we feel on the inside. Without the comfort and love of her husband, the winter months have way of intensifying the loneliness and grief the widow feels. Thankfully, God gives snow in the winter as a beautiful picture of His grace, and before we know it, the snow melts away reminding us that there is life after death. We invite you to be another picture of grace for the widow and fatherless this winter season. This list of practical ideas, compiled by widows, will help you bring light into otherwise dark places. For all you will do, we thank you!

1. Winterize her home:
   Service her heating system and change air filters.
   Check batteries in smoke detectors and fire alarms.
   Bring firewood
   Trim tree limbs that could be hazardous in a storm
   Provide flashlights and candles in case of power outages
   Change light bulbs inside and out
2. Help her prepare for the year ahead:
   Financial planning
   Tax preparation
3. Give your time to preserve her memories:
   Offer an evening or weekend to help her sort through pictures—having someone to share these special moments with is a blessing.
   Take time to write out a specific memory of her loved one, and deliver it to her.
4. Thoughtful ideas:
   Buy her warm and cozy things:Winter gloves / scarf / warm socks / blanket—something to snuggle up to on the chilly nights
   Candles—these always have a way of making the holidays warmer and brighter, especially on the cold and dreary days.
   Fill her pantry with love: Tea, hot chocolate and coffee are always a safe bet.
   Stock her freezer with casseroles and soups.
5. Give her a good book:
   “Reading gives us some place to go when we have to stay where we are.” – Mason Cooley
6. Send gift cards: food and gas are always needed
7. Care for her fatherless children
   Babysit her kids or come with an activity to share with her and her children
8. Provide help with medical attention, if needed
9. Call: Be available if weather isolates – make sure she is okay.
10. Write: After the rush of the holidays, it’s easy for loneliness to set in—send a card letting her know you are thinking of her. Hand-written notes may be her greatest friend.
11. Visit: Invite her to join you at the movies, for dinner, or take her to run errands.
12. Pray:
    Dear God, please show the warmth of your love to this precious widow during the winter months.  Thank you that you promise to be her covering.  May she experience your protection in the storm and provision from the cold. As she faces the year ahead, remind her that your plans are good, you are with her, and you will help her. Amen.

    “Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

“The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”).  – Matthew 1:23

Far too early on Christmas morning, my daughters burst into my bedroom with the announcement that Santa had come and it was time to wake up. At 10 and 4 years old, they knew the Christmas routine. No one could open a gift until Mom had her first cup of coffee. The girls ran back and forth between snooping through the presents and pleading with me to hurry. The anticipation was almost too much for them to bear as I put the cinnamon rolls into the oven, turned on the Christmas music, and poured myself a cup of coffee.

The truth is, I needed that cup of coffee. It gave me a few minutes to collect myself and muster up some semblance of Christmas joy. My daughters deserved that much. They didn’t need to know I only got a few hours of sleep because I worked into the night wrapping presents and taking perfect Santa and Rudolph-sized bites out of the cookies and carrots. They didn’t need to know I hid my grief behind every decoration, casserole, song, and pine-scented candle. And they certainly didn’t need to know my half-hearted prayer as I sipped my coffee and watched them fuss and giggle in their red, plaid pajamas.

This doesn’t feel right, God. It isn’t supposed to be like this. I should be joyful, but all I feel is empty.

I glanced at the tiny, baby Jesus in the nativity beside the Christmas tree. The figure of Mary knelt in adoration beside him. Joseph, the shepherds, and angels stood behind. I wondered if the real Mary felt the same way I did. She gave birth to the King of the world in a manger because there was no room for them at the inn. When she labored among the animals and filth, did she think, “It isn’t supposed to be like this?” Did she wonder if she had failed her Son or worry if she would be enough for Him? Or did the concerns of this world fade into praise as Mary held GOD in her arms?

“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” – Luke 2:19

I realized then I needed to treasure up and ponder the things of Jesus if I was to find Christmas again.

SHIFTING OUR FOCUS

Our culture glorifies Christmas as a feel-good, do-good, $465 billion-dollar, secular industry. Providing our children with a memorable Christmas seems an impossible task for a single parent who struggles with loneliness, grief, or financial strain. As we navigate the holiday season, it is imperative we take an honest look at our expectations and consider if it is time to shift our focus.

Reflect on the following questions:

1. What are my hopes and expectations for Christmas this year?
2. Do I anticipate any issues, pressure, stress, or emotional distress? What can I do to prevent, reduce, or prepare for these struggles?
3. What traditions do we have that bring a sense of peace, wholeness, connection, and hope to our family? Restore, retain, and embrace these traditions.
4. Do we have any traditions or expectations that intensify our sense of loss, grief, and brokenness? Consider letting these go.
5. What new traditions can we adopt? New traditions will help establish your new identity as a whole and healthy family. Consider serving in a soup kitchen, filling shoe boxes with gifts to send overseas, donating a toy to charity, baking cookies for an elderly neighbor, driving through town to see the Christmas lights, taking more photographs, celebrating Advent, and reading Luke 2 with your children on Christmas morning.
6. What impact does my financial situation have over Christmas? Has a reduction in our standard of living decreased our joy or increased my debt? If so, what financial or emotional adjustments do I need to make?
7. How can I personally “treasure up and ponder” the things of Jesus this season? Spend more time reading God’s Word, praying, or writing in a gratitude journal.
8. How can I help my children “treasure up and ponder” the things of Jesus? Teaching your children about the life and character of Jesus will leave a powerful and lasting legacy of faith.

FOR THIS REASON HE CAME

This Christmas, you may feel pain. You may grieve. You might feel lost, lonely, or afraid. You may wonder where Christmas is in the midst of your loss and suffering. Let me assure you, friend, Christmas is not lost. It is not out of reach. You may be far from home or perhaps you have long abandoned the tree and presents. Perhaps your pain lies hidden behind the noise and bustle of the day… but know this. It is for this suffering that Jesus came. This babe, borne into a humble state, came to heal the broken-hearted. Our broken hearts.

Pain and suffering may hijack the traditional trappings of Christmas, but we do not have to let it steal our joy. Our thanks and praise. We know that joy and suffering can occupy the same place in the heart. And so, through presents and wrapping, through the pain and loss, we still see Christmas… perhaps more clearly than ever before.

MICHELLE LYNN SENTERS (B.A. Education; M.Ed. Integrated Teaching Through the Arts) raised two daughters on her own and experienced many issues common to single mothers. She is the author of The Unseen Companion (Moody Publishers 2017) and has founded the Arise Ministry for Single Moms at her local church in Colorado Springs, CO.

Summer busyness is over, and a new slower paced season is right around the corner. Although the turning of the leaves and cooler temperatures are a nice change from the summer heat, fall, and winter, can be some of the loneliest seasons for the widow. The many holidays ahead shine a bright spotlight on the fact that her husband is no longer here and force her to change a lot of the traditions she had become accustomed to – it’s a scary thought. Even though the widow might not verbalize her needs this fall, she will be needing the warmth of her community and a reminder of the closeness of Christ. As the warm weather begins to fade, consider the following ways to warm the widow’s heart and home this fall:

1. ASK. Ask her what she needs, let her know what you are good at doing, and offer help in those areas.
2. Provide warm clothes. Help a widowed mom sort through the children’s clothing making a list of needs to purchase.
3. Provide a warm home and car by helping to winterize these things – change filters, provide maintenance on her heating system, or supply firewood. **While you are at it, check fire detectors and alarms and replace any batteries. **
4. Help her yard to be cold weather ready by pruning bushes, raking leaves, and adding a new layer of mulch or pine straw.
5. Don’t forget her on the holidays, fall is a time of family celebrations, this can leave the widow feeling lonelier than ever. Invite her and her kids to your fall family fun days or invite her to come around your Thanksgiving table. Remember, she may say no, but the invitation means she hasn’t been forgotten.
6. Sit with her. Start a pot of coffee or tea and talk with her about how she is feeling about the transitioning of seasons and potential changing of traditions without her husband. Be intentional about helping them think through potentially difficult days and weeks ahead.
7. Send her gift cards: food and gas are always needed.
8. Set up a time to help her Christmas shop, run errands, or babysit, so she can prepare for the holidays.
9. Fill her pantry with love: tea, hot chocolate, and coffee are always a safe bet. Stock her freezer with casseroles and soups.
10. Care for her fatherless children. Babysit her kids or come with an activity to share with her and her children.
11. Call and write! Leave her a nice note in her mailbox or make a call to check in with her.
12. Pray: Dear God, I know that the changing of seasons can be hard on the widow and her fatherless children. Will you please be their warmth this fall. Would you continue to show them that you are the defender of the widow and the father to the fatherless, and please use me to bring the Gospel into her home. As she faces the season ahead, remind her that your plans are good, you are with her, and you will help her. Amen.