Reflections of God’s Faithfulness 

It’s been 25 years since May 17, 1999—a profoundly pivotal moment in my life, the death of my husband—that now leads me to reflect deeply on God’s unwavering faithfulness.

All throughout Scripture, we see that remembering is important to God. In Psalm 103, we are instructed to forget not His benefits, meditate on what He has done, remember His miracles and how He has led us, and tell this to the next generation.

 3 Scriptures on remembering

1. “Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits” (Psalm 103:2 ESV).
2. “I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands” (Psalm 143:5 ESV).
3. “Remember the wondrous works that he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he uttered” (Psalm 105:5 ESV).

I have a unique perspective on raising children without an earthly dad. When my youngest was a baby, I was called to remain a widow. This allowed me to raise eight children from infancy to adulthood, with God as their Father. To offer highlights, I have divided my single parenting journey into five seasons: the first five years, raising teenagers, launching kids from the home, empty nest, and the season of “comforting as comforted.”

We were in the trenches during the first five years, which I call Season One. It was challenging to transition from wife to widow and a two-parent family to one. The Bible refers to times like these as the “valley of the shadow of death.” There definitely was a shadow that loomed over our lives. Grief cast a foggy mist that settled over us, almost like a wet blanket, yet at the same time, we were sheltered and protected (almost as if wrapped in a blanket) by the grace of God. We were nestled under the shadow of His wings. Psalm 57:1 mentions this place as a refuge we should actively seek out.

5 things that helped during Season One 

1. 1. Perspective: This may seem strange, but I always saw myself as a widow—a woman left alone—raising fatherless kids, not a single mom. Some might refer to that as denial, but this perspective greatly impacted me. Even though I was physically parenting alone, I was not alone. God was with me. 
   2. The Word of God: His Word nourished my soul. Even when it felt dry, God used it to keep me from growing spiritually numb. Life would come after death, and the Lord spoke personally to me through the Bible. I thrived on reading, studying, and eventually teaching the Word of God.
   3. Blessings were abundant: We encountered practical miracles, both big and small. These included the unexpected gift of a red coat, which I had secretly envisioned, and the anonymous provision of a 15-passenger van to meet our needs. These gifts, given to my family, instilled hope in us. Each one whispered God’s love for us.
   4. A support system was essential: A “men’s task force” was established with a rotating schedule of two men giving their time once a month to come to my home and provide handyman repairs. Women brought meals, transported my children to activities, and prayed for me.
   5. God promises to be a Father to the fatherless: We have experienced this in so many tangible ways, from generosity to practical support to the physical presence of the body of Christ. God used all of this as a vessel for His fathering.

In the next five years, which I like to call Season Two, grief didn’t sting as much as it did in the past, and life settled into a new normal. My children’s ages ranged from elementary school to college, and for a brief time, I had six teenagers in the house. Ballgames, school projects, and prayer for those out of my physical care filled my days. I was stretched among the span of ages as well as between my former and current life, but God used the stretching for my sanctification. 

5 things that describe Season Two 

1. Staying in the saddle: Even though my kids were becoming more independent, I had to remember to prioritize my family at home and remember that my presence gave security. 
2. Building a foundation and creating family memories: It was important to make happy memories intentionally. Blessing parties, trips, and connecting with the community brought joy and gave hope for the future.
3. Mentors: Inviting couples into our lives was one of my most significant action steps. Men invested in teaching my sons important lessons on manhood while providing a godly influence for my daughters. Each couple modeled marriage to my children and offered guidance and wisdom for us all.
4. Shaped by our story: We don’t always get to choose the suffering that we experience, but we do choose our response to it. Our character and lives were shaped by the loss of my husband and my children’s father. Grief significantly impacted our lives, as did our faith in God, but my continued hope and prayer for my children was that they would fully surrender to the Lord as they made their faith their own. 
5. God fathered: He continued to provide for us in amazing ways. Each of my children was given the opportunity to attend Liberty University with full tuition scholarships. As they left the nest, God continued to bring others into their lives: coaches, friends, and church leaders came alongside, investing time, wisdom, and mentoring. I found comfort in knowing that Almighty and Omnipresent God was their Father.

I describe Season Three as “new joy” with my children, all in their twenties. The “parenting” days are now over. When your children become adults, your relationship will grow in new ways, but one of the most important realizations is that you are no longer responsible for their lives. Great freedom will come for both of you in this. Parents are not in control and shouldn’t be. Move to the ‘caboose’ and enjoy the ride!

5 highlights from Season Three 

1. Marriages and grandchildren: I cherish that God has blessed my children with loving and faithful husbands and wives. Watching them start their own families and experience the joy of having children has been amazing. Grandchildren are even more amazing than I had ever imagined. Currently, I am fortunate to have 19 of them! 
2. More transitions: As children leave home to start their own families, the household becomes smaller and a little quieter. This transition brings about a range of emotions. Having a smaller family at home has allowed me to enjoy the younger children in ways I couldn’t when they were all still living at home. 
3. God continues to provide: Over the years, God has been faithful in providing financially for my family. Thankfully, I could always stay at home, which was my desire. God creatively provided opportunities for me to work from home to bring in the necessary income to pay the bills.
4. Long days and short years:  It takes approximately 18 years to raise a child, and you have one chance to invest, train, teach, and love your children. Give it your all, even when overwhelmed by grief and circumstances. God will be faithful to give strength in your weakness.
5. God continues to Father His children: I have observed that children grow into grief. New milestones often bring fresh pain but provide more opportunities to trust in God as Father. When my children got married and had their own children, they experienced both the tenderness of their loss while, at the same time, the beginning of deeper healing that came through their husbands and fathers-in-law. God specially used these men, and He remained faithful in restoring their souls.

Season Four: Life continues to teach lessons while God remains the same

Reflecting on God’s faithfulness, we hosted a “Village Appreciation Celebration,” inviting everyone who invested in my family for a special evening of worship and thanksgiving. This time of transition, even with an empty nest, reminds us that God still has good plans for us in our later years, as evidenced by biblical figures like Abraham, Sarah, Joseph, and Moses, who experienced significant moments later in life. The psalmist reinforces that we can still bear fruit in old age and should tell of God’s might and faithfulness to the next generation. Embracing my next season, I felt called to work alongside widows and the fatherless, encouraging them to trust in God. When my father passed away, I gained a deeper understanding of God’s fatherly care, having seen His provision for my children and experiencing it myself as an adult. So, with or without a physical father, I found comfort in calling God “Father” and cherishing the beauty of His care. 

Season Five: Vibrance and Growth

Sharing my vision for ministry with my mentors felt like having a new baby, and in 2016, Perspective Ministries was born. This ministry now includes WidowLife support groups in partnership with Hope Gathering, the creation of WidowLife Magazines and Boxes of Comfort and Care, and the launch of the Help! I’m Raising Fatherless Kids podcast. We also host events for single moms and their children. 

Throughout this journey, I have learned valuable lessons: loneliness is a constant companion, but your perspective determines if it is a friend or an enemy. Cry out to the Lord and lament, pray as a warrior, wait patiently for the Lord, and do not worry about anything—pray about everything. Listen to God and obey the Holy Spirit, remain silent and observe, remember that it only hurts if you let it, pull out roots of bitterness, and practice forgiveness daily. 

For those coming behind me, accept His plan for your life, practice looking for God with your children, ask God for help, and take note of the blessings, trusting that He is always working for your good and His glory.