God designed families to have a mom and a dad. Death, divorce, and desertion can leave children without a very important person in their lives – their dad. Despite the suffering that comes with this great loss, there can be holiness wrapped around the acceptance of God’s sovereignty. God becomes Father. And with that perspective, even in the hard, we can see the loss of a dad loss as a holy time in the lives of our children. Think about it, Almighty God, the creator of heaven and earth, steps in, and He promises to be a Father to the fatherless.
While many people celebrate Father’s Day in June, honoring dads, without my husband or dad for my children to honor, this day is different. Our fatherless Father’s Day has taken on new significance, and we now mark a different date on the calendar to remember.
Just 24 hours before my husband passed away, Psalm 68:5 was quoted to me, and I held onto the belief that God would fulfill the promise of His word to be a “Father to the fatherless.” Because of this, our family has found a creative way to remember this day. Our Remembrance Day, the day of my husband’s death, is now our new Father’s Day, replacing the traditional Father’s Day recognized by the world.
Mom, I want to encourage you to handle this day with the utmost care. There are a lot of temptations when it comes to that Remembrance Day. What are you going to do with it? You can ignore it or quietly remember it yourself and not really share that with your children, especially if they’re young. You can silence it by pushing down the emotions and pretending that it’s not an important day. Or you can hide all the feelings in the closet of your heart that come with suffering, determined to avoid them at all costs.
Push into the Pain
But my suggestion to you is that you push into the pain. Embrace the challenging moments of that day and turn them around. Reframe these, making them an opportunity to bond with your children, opening the door for healing.
You can lead your children by letting them know that Father’s Day in June is to celebrate earthly dads, and while that is great for families who have them here, God has given them their own special day to honor their Heavenly Father! They truly have a new Father’s Day. By relocating that day and renaming it as your new Father’s Day, I found that it helped remove the sting from the traditional day of honoring dads. It was a day we looked forward to, and even though it was full of mixed emotions, we always made it memorable.
6 Suggestions for Turning the Remembrance Day into a New Father’s Day
- Relocate the day on the calendar to the Remembrance Day (the day your husband died), renaming it as “Father’s Day.” On this day, remember dad but also focus on God as Father.
- Release yourself from attending church on the actual day. Father’s Day always falls on a Sunday, and though I always encourage moms to take their children to a Bible-believing church, I always felt that it was okay to worship at home on that one particular Sunday. It was just too painful for my kids to make cards for a dad who is no longer here.
- Remember to honor your father, especially if he is still with you. You may have gained a greater appreciation for him after seeing the loss your children have experienced. Their grandfather’s role will be even more significant now that dad is gone.
- Recognize men whom God has used as a vessel for his fathering. There were times when I encouraged my children to make cards for the men whom God had used as mentors in their lives. We thanked God for bringing these men to our family, and then we would write them a letter thanking them for being obedient and being willing to make a difference in our lives.
- Re-create the holiday, your Remembrance Day. Even though you may not consider this a holiday, create an atmosphere for your family to be tuned into each other. This is what it looked like for us:
- Start the day just reflecting on the mystery of God as Father and opening the door for conversation about missing daddy. We started out the day with pancakes. My husband made the best pancakes. They were like fried cupcakes. He made them in all colors, shapes, and sizes. Instead of feeling sad about missing Daddy and his pancakes, we celebrated his memory by making pancakes at home or going out to Cracker Barrel or IHOP.
- End the day with a moment of reflection. We went out for ice cream because, at the time of my husband’s death, my children were eating ice cream cones on the curb of Chick-fil-A. Even though my children are grown, with children of their own, we find remembering God’s faithfulness as Father is a good opportunity to enjoy this treat.
- Release balloons. Children love balloons, so I would buy balloons, one black and one of “their color” (each was assigned a color at birth – it has proven to be a great way to organize things with 8 kids, and they all think that color is now their “favorite” color). For devotions that night, the releasing of balloons symbolized two areas of reflection:
- Black balloons – I ask them to dig into their hearts to uncover any unforgiveness, anger, or pain that might need to be released. Tears are shed, and hearts are cleansed once again.
- Colored balloons – We thank God for all the ways He has been a father to them over the last year. We offer up a sacrifice of praise, thanking Him for His faithfulness. He really is a good, good Father.
6. Recount the story of God’s faithfulness with your children. It’s a beautiful time to encourage the hearts of your children towards God. And prayerfully, they will tell it to their children, and their children will tell it to their children. Remembering is how God designed us to talk about His faithfulness and to celebrate what He has done.
Your Remembrance Day will always be an opportunity to remember with thanksgiving
“Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise. His greatness is unsearchable, one generation shall praise Your works to another and shall declare your mighty acts. I will meditate on the glorious splendor of Your Majesty and on your wonderful works. Men shall speak of the might of your awesome works, and I will proclaim your great deeds. I will express the memory of your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness. The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and great and loving-kindness. The Lord is good to all and His tender mercies are over all His works” (Psalms 145:3-5).
