One of the greatest challenges of widowhood is learning to ask for help. The reality is there are many reasons for this, and it is not always pride, as some would suggest: she may not think to ask for help, may not know who to ask, or may feel she has asked for help too many times. And sometimes grief is so exhausting that even figuring out what she needs feels overwhelming.
If you want to care for a widow, do not wait for her to ask. Take the first step.
Practical Ways You Can Help
- Do not say, “Let me know if you need anything.”
It is a kind offer, but most widows will never take you up on it. Instead, offer something specific.
“I am going to the grocery store tomorrow. What can I pick up for you?”; “I have a few hours Saturday morning. May I mow your lawn or change your air filter?”; “I would love to bring dinner on Tuesday. Does chicken or soup sound better?”
Specific offers remove the pressure to think of something or to work up the courage to ask.
- Watch for the hidden needs
Many needs are never spoken: a home repair, leaves needing to be raked, or help making a decision. Ask the Lord to help you notice what may be weighing on her heart.
- Be present, not pushy
Sometimes the greatest gift is your presence. Invite her to lunch, sit on the porch with a cup of tea, take a walk together, or pray with her. Your kind presence reminds her that she is not walking alone.
- Keep showing up
Support often pours in during the first few weeks after a loss, but grief does not end after the funeral. Mark important dates on your calendar. Reach out on birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and Remembrance Day (the anniversary of her husband’s death). A simple text that says, “You have been on my heart today,” can be a tremendous encouragement.
- Remember her children
If she is raising children, they need support too. Offer to drive them to activities. Invite them to spend time with your family. Celebrate birthdays and significant milestones. Encourage them. A widowed mother will always welcome support for her children.
- Pray
Never underestimate the gift of prayer. Pray for wisdom. Pray for strength. Pray for provision. Then ask God to show you if He wants you to be part of the answer to those prayers.
Carry the Burden with Her
In 2 Kings 4, God provided for a widow through the prophet Elisha and through neighbors who willingly shared their empty jars. God still works that way today. He often meets the needs of widows through the hands and hearts of His people.
Do not wait until a widow finds the courage to ask for help. Be the one who lovingly notices. Be the one who faithfully shows up. Be the one who reminds her that she was never meant to carry this burden alone.
