On September 25, 2015, my wonderful 30-year-old son-in-law, Patrick, suddenly passed away from an unknown heart-related condition. He left my only daughter, Brittany, who was 25, the mom of 3 small boys. The oldest son, Peyton, was one day from turning 3 years old, Evan was 1 1/2 years old, and Nathan was only 3 months old.
My wife was out of state so it was just Brittany and I at the hospital crying together. My tears were not for Patrick because he knew the Lord and was in heaven; my tears were for my daughter and 3 young boys without a father. God immediately placed in my mind and heart the need to do my best to be a father figure for those boys.
At nearly 58 years old and with a busy life of my own as a realtor and house flipper, I was already spread thin, so I prayed to God to help me help them. They stayed in our home for approximately 6 weeks before going back to their home, and then stayed with us on many weekends and holidays. I also stopped by to see them as they live only 25 minutes away.
At times, I was their 3rd mom behind my daughter and wife, but most of the time I am just “Pops” to them. I was, and still am, very intentional about everything I do with them.
Here is a sampling of the ways I would serve Brittany and love her boys:
- Most of the time, we went to church together, and I would meet up with Brittany to help sit with the boys.
- We also went on vacations together; it would not be a vacation for a widow with 3 small boys. This provided 3 adults with 3 sets of eyes to oversee their care.
- In some weeks, I tried to take 1 or more of the kids with me to run errands, work on a flip house, or show a client a house.
- We live on several acres with a garden, flower beds, an orchard, a berry patch, a playground, a zipline, 4-wheelers, a tractor, mowers, and all kinds of cool stuff that boys love! When I needed to do some work, I took them with me and taught them how specific tools worked while I worked and made repairs — they loved it!
- Even my touch was intentional, patting them on the hand, sitting them on my lap, holding hands, hugs, kisses, and wrestling!
- My father never encouraged me verbally and only abused his authority, so I made sure these boys got plenty of verbal praise and “I love yous.” Young men crave their father’s approval, and these boys get what I can give them.
- They are my grandkids, but I have tried and still try not to spoil them in any bad way. I drew a firm line and didn’t put up with bad attitudes or misbehavior. During those early days, this helped my daughter avoid being the only one keeping them in line with important discipline. They are respectful and tender enough not to want to disappoint me most of the time, so it has not been an issue. Withholding privileges, snacks, and special dates is usually enough to keep them in check.
- When they came to stay with us, a bedtime routine was incorporated, as I had with my own children. We had a time of Bible story, prayer, and goodnight kisses. Sometimes I would dance with them to the soft bedtime music or music playing in the house, and they loved it, and so did I!
Her 3 boys are young and resilient and will be good, God-fearing, successful men with their own families someday. I’m glad that God somehow gave me the time, strength, energy, and wisdom to be there for them in this season of their lives.
I was not alone in the quest to help these boys; they were blessed to have their other grandfather, several uncles all living nearby, and other men who had also been intentional in pouring into them. They are loved and prayed for by many of us, and all of that combines to create a great support system for them.
During the first 22 months, I changed many diapers, got up during the night more times than my tired body wanted to, fed, cleaned up, clothed, bathed, and did what a father would normally do with them and what their amazing father, Patrick, did for them. We also played, wrestled, rode the 4-wheelers and zip line, went fishing, did routine household chores like taking out the trash and repairing things, and made many other great memories.
We cannot control what God allows to happen to us, but we can choose to make the best of it. I choose to embrace the task and enjoy the journey, and that makes all the difference!
