Author: Lori Apon
October 26, 1999 – 5 Months into Grief
It is still is amazing to me how something “little” will stir up all kinds of heavy feelings. My grocery store visit the other day, for instance. I hadn’t been to this store since before my husband died, and I cried, fumbling my way through the entire store. All it took was one look at a can of peas, just a simple can of split peas, and there I was a puddle on the floor! Bobby loved split-pea soup…how will I EVER make that kind of soup again? I thought I was at a better place than this, but here’s this pesky grief again!
I like to cook but pancakes were my husband’s specialty. He learned from the best of the best, his dad, a chef in the Marines. No one could top daddy’s pancakes! They resembled fried cupcakes (a kid’s dream), and of course he made them extra special on birthdays! With a splash of food coloring, wa–lah, checkered, polka-dotted, striped, and even pink and green swirled cakes. After his death, I failed miserably when trying my hand at this kid-friendly delight. The kids gracefully ate their fill, but it was clear that pancakes would be a daddy memory I wouldn’t be able to duplicate.
In the middle of chaos, and tear filled grocery runs, and failed memory making, God continues to whisper His love. In these months it seemed that every appliance I owned died along with my husband, teaching me not to fret because God was setting the stage for his miraculous provisions. One example comes to mind, one day I thought to myself, “I sure would like to have a new coat this winter – maybe something that would be good for rain and cold, maybe one with a hood, and I think I’ll get a RED one!” I was just daydreaming about this garment but God was taking note. (God took note even before the thought entered my mind!) When I got home that afternoon a package had arrived. I opened it to discover—YES, you guessed it—a RED coat marked for Lori! This coat, for ME, was the top-of-the-line, brand new, exactly as my thoughts requested. It came from a friend I had not heard from in 14 years! What a blessing. God is so good and able to meet us on our level! He knows our love language and speaks it to us every day. God reached into my heart and met me where I needed to be met—new decor for my house, friends to help put things in order, and a RED COAT!